A few recent knock knock jokes as told by a...
Knock Knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock …who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. ….Who’s there…? Arn’t you glad I said orange?! ____________________________ Knock Knock Who’s there? Joe! Joe who? Joes-aren’t you glad I didn’t say fruit?! ___________________
“I saw a girl who had her ears peered in her nose” (She saw someone with a nose/ septum piercing. ) Also said to me by the same four year old girl today: “Stop looking at me or I’ll kick you.”
Grown ups eat and then cross their legs sometimes.
“I think Santa’s calling!” What does Santa want to talk about? “I think pants?”
Tomorrow I sleeped- I didn’t sleep- I don’t sleep til it’s...
“Pretend I’m the big sister and your the Mom and our little baby died.” I don’t want to play that. that makes me feel really sad. “Ok, well how about we have a very nice tree and it fell over.”
I look like Belle, but you actually look like nothing. You don’t look like...
I know nothing.
It’s been so long but don’t worry. Preschoolers still say funny shit. Here are some names for different toy cars by a 4 year old: “Fire Jam Soup” “Super Dave Corn” “Tow Quill” Here is a conversation while drawing the tooth fairy: Her: This fairy is a mean fairy because she didn’t leave anything for the girl. Me: Oh no? Why not? Did she leave...
I got this.
Can I be a princess one day? “If you eat all your vegetables everyday and wait a long time. “
Only girls can wear dresses to my house.– In response to me (a girl, -woman if you will ) opening the front door in a dress.
Everybody's a comedian.
Today the girl I Nanny for (let’s call her Susie) and I got to school a little bit early after spending the day at the pumpkin patch. There were lots of kids from the other classes playing in the yard while we sat and ate lunch. A gaggle of preschool girls ended up hovering around Susie and I. Slowly but surely it became an unofficial competition for my attention. One girl that I know from...
I’ve been jotting down things the 4 year old girl has said to me in the “notes” section of my phone with the intention of posting later that day, but I keep on forgetting to write them that night so now I don’t remember the context, but they are almost more funny this way. Here you go:
I just found a piece a paper in my pocket that I accidentally washed. The 4 year old girl I nanny for loves playing “appointment” and essentially gave me the role of secretary and she was a doctor of sorts, her dolly: the patient. She asked me to “write this down” on a piece of paper from an old address book and I tried to write down exactly what she said: Princess E-Ora...
” I really like your sparkly hairs” -4 year old referring to my grey hairs. (I’ll take it)
We got babies! And they are too big! Let’s drop them. (This next section is kind of sing songy and then turns into the tune of “Mary had a little lamb” right around where she starts talking about the Crib/Potty) Here you go, Here you go Mama, Baby baby bay-babyyyy. Baby baby bay-babyyyy. Once upon a dayyy in the morning kooossstevay and bows and polishes and POOF and a baby! And...
I decided I would start recording some of our play conversations and accurately transcribe the session word for word with as little interference from me. Here is the first one, which is relatively non-crazy. To set the scene, she is putting on a “show” with different stuffies and figurines for other figurines and stuffies: Is kitties allowed? NOOOOOO. NO KITTIES IS ALLOWED....
Yesterday I was in the park eating lunch with the 3 three year old girl I watch and Freddie (the cutest dog ever ). Some hoodlum had graffitied an explicative on the bench we were sitting on. Spotting it she gets very excited and points to it. “F! I see an F for Freddie!” Today, we went for a walk in the neighborhood. During our walk we experienced quite a few cars honking their...
(Father Blowing his nose) 3 Year old girl: Was that you blowing up?
Click it or ticket
The three year old girl I spend time with is riding her trike around the house… Me: Don’t go too fast, that’s dangerous. Her: (yelling and frustrated) IM GOING THE SPEED LEMON!!!
3 Year Old Girl: What is Massachusetts? Me: Massachusetts is where I used to live. I come from Massachusetts, do you know where you are from? 3 Year Old Girl: I come from Costco.
I Know A Really Pretty Word.
Me: Tell me a really pretty word. 3 Year Old Girl: (She takes a breath to prepare me) Mamasparkle. Me: Wow, Beautiful.
Do you want to know a thing?
So the 3 year old girl I’ve been spending most of my time with might be crazy, but, she’s also my favorite.. and knows EXACTLY what will make me laugh. For the past couple of months she’s been trying out her jokes on me in a really sleuth manner. Whenever she needs attention, or feels like she wants to make me laugh, she’ll say something close to: Do you want to know a...
3 Year Old Girl: I’m feeling happy! Me: Really? That makes ME feel happy! 3 Year Old Girl: No you can’t feel happy. You’re feeling like trash candy. Me: But I’m smiling because I’m happy. 3 Year Old Girl: But you’re trash candy.
Me: (Letting out a sneeze) Excuse Me! Girls Mother: Bless you! 3 Year Old Girl: You are blessed Mary Kate.
Image is everything.
While walking to school with a girl I care for the other day we walked passed a scraggly man. He had a shopping cart full of cans and other things, a white beard, and a cane. As we walked passed him she gripped my hand tight and then whispered, “IS THAT A REAL PIRATE?’ _____ Today we went to Griffith Park and went on all sorts of adventures. While waiting to take a train ride...
There must be more than this provencial life
3 year old Girl: “Are you a princess?” Me: “…Yes” 3 year old Girl:”Well, how come you never wear pretty dresses to my house?” Me: “I wear dresses to your house a lot!” 3 year old Girl: “I said PRETTY dresses.”
The Case of the Pile of Shit.
I went to the dog park the other day with a 3 year old girl, and on the way there I asked her to watch out, as there was pretty serious pile of dog poo in the path. She got very offended that the dog pooped in the middle of the path and didn’t clean it up. When we got inside the park she took it upon herself to inquire with each dog (she would ask the dog directly and not the...
Mr. (preschooler) Mom.
I just recently revisited a school where used to teach. I sat with a former co-worker and her class of preschoolers as we caught up. Teacher: What else can we tell Mary Kate about our school since she’s been gone?… Well [so and so]’s Mom is pregnant, and [so and so] is pregnant, and… 4 year old Boy: And I’m ‘eggnant too!
All I want for Christmas...
While playing “Christmas Fairy” a three year old girl asked me ” what do you want to have for Christmas?” I replied: A cute stuffed puppy and some cozy socks !! She said: “Okay! I’ll be back with your pumpkin and important book! Merry Christmas!” Just like the real Santa!
There you have it! The mysterious 23(ish) flavors...
3 Year Old Girl: Do you want some soup? Me: Oh! What kind? Her: Well, it was carrots and celery and carrots, and chicken and noodles, and carrots and celery, and carrots and celery and carrots and watermelon. Me: Sounds delicious! What do you call it? Her: Soda.
Wednesday IS Friday!– 3 year old girl on when we can go to the park. (she makes an interesting argument)
Favorite time of day.
In response to the question “How much do you love your cousin?” My three year old cousin Ryan answered: 90 o’clock!!!!!
Hi-Ho the Cheerios.
I’m not sure if this will translate, but I’m going to try. I’m currently taking care of 3 year old, and today I took her to school in her mother’s car for the first time. When I told her this, her mood shifted, she looked at me, and suddenly she started excitedly and very loudly singing and skipping around… “Mary Cakes taking me to school, Mary Cake’s...
3 year old girl: “My House is full of cat shit.” Me, (Not understanding): “What was that sweetie?” Girl: “My house has a lot of Cat shit” Me: “Cashews?” Another little girl: “She said cat shit.” First girl: “Yeah cat shit.”
I wish a teacher could be my rest toy.– 5 year old boy.
A babysitter is like a type of cousin– 4 year old girl.
While Playing with Blocks.
Me: What are you making? Three Year Old Boy: A dungeon. Me: Oh? What’s a dungeon for? Three Year Old Boy: Girls.
When I turn four I’m going to be 28– 3 year old girl.
Talk about a classic...
Here is an oldie but goodie: I figured it was okay for me to post some classics that never made it to my Tumblr while I wait for a teaching job here in California. One day, after returning to the classroom after outdoor play and realizing it smelled a little different in the room, a 5 year old boy deductively sniffs around, and then appears to come to a conclusion: “It smells like…...
It’s going to take you a long time to get California because it’s...– 3 year old boy.
Mary Kate, will you help me put on this Cinderella bra?– 3 year old boy
Teacher:If you could have a treasure chest and fill it with any treasure you want, what would you put in it? Child 1: Pretty Necklaces! Child 2: Cookies and Money! Child 3: MARSHMALLOWS! Child 4: Uhhh ummm… a body! Teacher:What?! A body that’s so silly! What do you mean a body? Child 4: haha yeah a body! Teacher: You want to hide and play in it? Child 4: No… Teacher:...
Can you pretend your face is fire so I can spray you in the face with water?– 4 year old boy
I don't think my point is coming across.
I was having a conversation today with a four year old girl about a certain behavior that needed to change. This is how the conversation ended after a long talk about what she was doing that was not okay: Me:”So what do we need to start working on?” Her: “Listening.” Me:”What do we need to start listening for? “ Silence. (While I give her my...
Ummm, Mary Kate, I feel like I’m going to die.– 3 year old boy. No context.
We just started a new mini summer unit on transportation and it inspired some pretty good conversations today. We replaced the toys in the sandbox with different types of cars, trucks and construction vehicles. Several children were nicely sharing a larger fire engine complete with a retractable grappling hook… until… “Mr. Cake the boys are not letting me be the hooker! I want...
That's... what... err.... a preschooler said.
“You look pretty and wet Mr. Cake.” -4 year old Girl.
The Dude Abides.
“Do policemen have houses?” “Yep, they have houses just like you and me, a police man is their job just like ‘teacher’ is my job. What job would you like to have when you get older?” “I would want to be a police guy so I can fight bad rangers.” I proceed to explain other duties police men have… “Well maybe actually I want to be a...