Overheard in Preschool.

A few recent knock knock jokes as told by a preschooler:

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:59:22 -0400

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock

…who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock.

….Who’s there…?

Arn’t you glad I said orange?!
____________________________
Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Joe!

Joe who?

Joes-aren’t you glad I didn’t say fruit?!
___________________

“I saw a girl who had her ears peered in her nose” (She saw someone with a nose/ septum...

Wed, 08 May 2013 19:19:59 -0400

“I saw a girl who had her ears peered in her nose”

(She saw someone with a nose/ septum piercing. )

Also said to me by the same four year old girl today:

“Stop looking at me or I’ll kick you.”

"Grown ups eat and then cross their legs sometimes."

Wed, 08 May 2013 02:44:12 -0400

“Grown ups eat and then cross their legs sometimes.”

“I think Santa’s calling!”What does Santa want to talk about? “I think...

Wed, 08 May 2013 02:42:03 -0400

“I think Santa’s calling!”

What does Santa want to talk about?

“I think pants?”

"Tomorrow I sleeped- I didn’t sleep- I don’t sleep til it’s tenty-one"

Wed, 08 May 2013 02:31:19 -0400

“Tomorrow I sleeped- I didn’t sleep- I don’t sleep til it’s tenty-one”

“Pretend I’m the big sister and your the Mom and our little baby died.” I...

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 17:43:23 -0400

“Pretend I’m the big sister and your the Mom and our little baby died.”

I don’t want to play that. that makes me feel really sad.

“Ok, well how about we have a very nice tree and it fell over.”

"I look like Belle, but you actually look like nothing. You don’t look like anything but you..."

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 22:48:48 -0500

“I look like Belle, but you actually look like nothing. You don’t look like anything but you can be a princess… I guess.”

I know nothing.

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 17:06:00 -0500

It’s been so long but don’t worry. Preschoolers still say funny shit.

Here are some names for different toy cars by a 4 year old:

“Fire Jam Soup”
“Super Dave Corn”
“Tow Quill”

Here is a conversation while drawing the tooth fairy:

Her: This fairy is a mean fairy because she didn’t leave anything for the girl.

Me: Oh no? Why not? Did she leave her tooth under the pillow?

Her: Wait actually she left her poop.

Me: Yuck! that’s gross.

Her: But it’s sparkly poop with an umbrella and it’s not real… is that mean or no?

I wasn’t sure.

I got this.

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:25:37 -0400

Can I be a princess one day?

“If you eat all your vegetables everyday and wait a long time. “

"Only girls can wear dresses to my house."

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:43:07 -0400

“Only girls can wear dresses to my house.”

- In response to me (a girl, -woman if you will ) opening the front door in a dress.

Everybody's a comedian.

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 16:44:35 -0400

Today the girl I Nanny for (let’s call her Susie) and I got to school a little bit early after spending the day at the pumpkin patch. There were lots of kids from the other classes playing in the yard while we sat and ate lunch. A gaggle of preschool girls ended up hovering around Susie and I. Slowly but surely it became an unofficial competition for my attention. One girl that I know from Susie’s class commented on my braid and then it was followed by comments from every other girl who just wanted to say something. Suddenly this random (hilarious) preschooler was sitting right across from me, and when there was finally a break in braid talk she slips this in very casual and cool:

“Hey. Can I tell you something my dad made up?”
(not giving me a chance to say yes)
“What do you give to a penguin at a Barbeque? …. Iceburgers.”

I literally laughed hysterically at this dumb joke. This kids got some comedic timing, but I was the only one. After gauging my reaction, Susie needed some attention herself.

“Hey! Hey! What do you call a penguin?!?! ICE!!!!!!”

….and started fake laughing at herself which ensued real laughter from the rest of the girls who had no idea that it wasn’t a thing that made sense.

No context

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 22:04:00 -0400

I’ve been jotting down things the 4 year old girl has said to me in the “notes” section of my phone with the intention of posting later that day, but I keep on forgetting to write them that night so now I don’t remember the context, but they are almost more funny this way.

Here you go:

Jargon

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 21:46:49 -0400

I just found a piece a paper in my pocket that I accidentally washed.

The 4 year old girl I nanny for loves playing “appointment” and essentially gave me the role of secretary and she was a doctor of sorts, her dolly: the patient. She asked me to “write this down” on a piece of paper from an old address book and I tried to write down exactly what she said:

Princess E-Ora has
HOT PRESSURE for her blood temperature.
Letters 2886
Her needs a Ascription of Squig Medecine for 16-11teen days

” I really like your sparkly hairs” -4 year old referring to my grey hairs. (I’ll...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:47:26 -0400

” I really like your sparkly hairs” -4 year old referring to my grey hairs. (I’ll take it)

We got babies! And they are too big! Let’s drop them.(This next section is kind of sing songy...

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 16:37:00 -0400

We got babies! And they are too big! Let’s drop them.

(This next section is kind of sing songy and then turns into the tune of “Mary had a little lamb” right around where she starts talking about the Crib/Potty)

Here you go, Here you go Mama,
Baby baby bay-babyyyy. Baby baby bay-babyyyy. Once upon a dayyy in the morning kooossstevay and bows and polishes and POOF and a baby! And a baby’s crib and it’s a potty. And the Baby’s crib and it’s a potty. I’m gonna put her seat belt on, seat belt on, seat belt on!All day long! This is the way we segalife, segalife-a, segalife. This is the way we segalife leaf allll day long! Ho ho ho ho hooo hoho ho ho hoo hooooo hoho hoho hooo. Let me have the baaaaay-beeee.

Mommy! Talk to me. Hi. “Hi baby” Let me have the baby, big sister! Oh. She got dropped.

I decided I would start recording some of our play conversations and accurately transcribe the...

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 17:57:00 -0400

I decided I would start recording some of our play conversations and accurately transcribe the session word for word with as little interference from me. Here is the first one, which is relatively non-crazy.

To set the scene, she is putting on a “show” with different stuffies and figurines for other figurines and stuffies:

Is kitties allowed?
NOOOOOO. NO KITTIES IS ALLOWED.
BATTENTION: ALLOWED. KITTIES CAN COME, ALLOWED.
*high pitched… meowing?*
*Now just screaming*
OKAY UNTIL THE SHOW STARTS MUSIC IS GONNA COME INSTEAD:
Kay da ba bop da doooo dooo dooo dooo dooo, We’re gonna dance, We’re gonna fart, we’re gonna dance and fart and everything goes Oh Yummy school! Making a pretty dog! Baaaaallllllllheyyyyyyyyyyyyayaya *cough*Glaf glaf glafff
*She makes her toys all make fart noises now*

Me: That was the yuckiest show I’ve ever been to. We’ve got to get ready to go in 5 Minutes.

*She continues to make her animals make fart noises*

Me: Did you hear my words? We have 5 minutes?

*Fart noise*

Me: How many minutes do we have?

YES I HEARD YOUR WORDS

Me: What did I say?

I…I don’t know.

Unintentionally Iapproriate

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 15:31:07 -0400

Yesterday I was in the park eating lunch with the 3 three year old girl I watch and Freddie (the cutest dog ever ). Some hoodlum had graffitied an explicative on the bench we were sitting on. Spotting it she gets very excited and points to it.

“F! I see an F for Freddie!”

Today, we went for a walk in the neighborhood. During our walk we experienced quite a few cars honking their horns at each other. She turns to me and asks, “Why is everyone so Horny today?!”

(Father Blowing his nose)3 Year old girl: Was that you blowing up?

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 13:28:49 -0400

(Father Blowing his nose)

3 Year old girl: Was that you blowing up?

Click it or ticket

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 14:55:00 -0400

The three year old girl I spend time with is riding her trike around the house… Me: Don’t go too fast, that’s dangerous. Her: (yelling and frustrated) IM GOING THE SPEED LEMON!!!

Origins

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 19:10:53 -0400

3 Year Old Girl: What is Massachusetts?

Me: Massachusetts is where I used to live. I come from Massachusetts, do you know where you are from?

3 Year Old Girl: I come from Costco.